I Appreciate You
My brother would never say thank you - he would always say “I appreciate you” while placing his hand on his heart. It’s such a behaviour or trait that sticks out in my memory as he has now been gone for over one year. I miss him still, and I miss this specific detail a lot. But what do we do when we miss something like this? I know that my brother is resting, and in a better place where he is not fighting cancer anymore and that makes e happy. But the gesture and the action, together are simple physical and verbal things that I can do to share that feeling with others.
I Appreciate You
I noticed that he would replace “thank yous” with this phrase of “I appreciate you”. We talked a lot about how we can express gratitude in more meaningful and more universal / accessible ways. He said that people say “thank you” but sometimes it is not enough, sometimes you have to say more because your heart is really full and bursting with emotions at what is happening or has happened. Especially when we are expressing gratitude to young ones we want to make sure that they know how grateful and appreciative we are of their many contributions to our life. He would also often say “gizagii’in” which is the anishinabe word for “I love you”, in swampy cree we say “kisahkitin”.
Hand on the Heart
I remember when I asked him why he put his hand on his heart all the time and he said he learned it from some of the newcomer children at Turtle Island Neighbourhood Centre. He mentioned that a respectful way to show affection in some cultures was to express it with your own body language instead of having to touch someone else. He mentioned how putting his hand on his heart was a way of expressing his gratitude in a culturally sensitive way. He also mentioned how it was a helpful gesture when there were individuals who had difficulty hearing to see in your body language your appreciation for them.
Wayne in August of 2018 @ the Wayne Bell Tower. Photo by Greg Littlejohn.
I miss hearing him say those words while he did this small physical gesture. So now I do it. As much and as often as I can. And I hear his voice when the words leave my lips: “I appreciate you”. And I have no choice but to put my hand on my heart to contain the love and the joy that he taught me to express that I want to share with others. It feels so special - because it is. It’s part of my healing journey, it’s part of making me a better person and it is part of how my brother continues to help me every day even though he is not here in body. I am forever changed for the better.
I am not going to grieve forever - I know my brother wouldn’t want that. But I will always remember him in the way I now express gratitude. I’ll let his memory and spirit rest - but his impact and legacy will forever be voiced. In this small way and the many other ways he impacted our community and future generations.
Gizagii’in, kisahkitin my brother - I love you & I appreciate you.
