Gifts My Brother Gave Me
Do you ever miss someone who is not here anymore? Me too. That’s why I try to think about what a gift it was to be able to spend as much time with my relative or loved one as I did. I think about grief and the grieving process often. I also think about what they would wish for me, and I imagine how they would want for me to be happy, be kind and to live a good life. In the case of my brother who we lost to cancer, I think of the many memories we share and how he has imprinted his memory onto many things in my life. I smile every time one of these imprints or memories surfaces and I touch my heart and remember how special he was and how lucky I was to have the time together that we did.
So many gifts
The gift of a music poster reminds me to enjoy art, to create and to “be present” with my loved ones. The slippers and pajamas (a onesie lol) remind me to keep myself and those around me comfortable and warm. The sunglasses remind me to be safe in the sun, but also to have really cool fashion and be as bright or obnoxious as I want to be. The tie he got me has a raven on it and reminds me to honour the tricksters and even when I get fancy to be myself. The way he stopped himself from biting hi nails by being present is a reminder to stop worrying about the past/future so much and to be here now. I do at times still feel his presence with me, and it always leaves me with the reminder that I am loved. Sometimes I am reminded of him in my interactions with other people and to me it’s him reminding me that he is with me always.
The last gift I’ll talk about is synchronicities in time. He told me that when ever I saw the clock and it was 11:11 or 2:22 or 4:44 that that would be his way of saying hi to me from the other side. Any time I notice it I imagine that it’s him saying hi and I am reminded of his positive presence in my life and I am reminded to be kinder to myself and the people I come across.
Hope
It is so easy to be discouraged and frustrated but even in the face of death, my brother always remained hopeful that things could get better for us in the North End, for kids in the child welfare system, for Indigenous people. I carry that hope with me. It has also been a joy to see a number of community members around me bravely dealing with and overcoming intense health challenges, even a number of cancer diagnoses. I am so happy for those individuals and their families that they get to spend time together for another day and make more memories and share more gifts with one another.
