Being Gentle With Ourselves
Did you miss a zoom/video meeting? Forgot someone’s birthday? Got a pile of unanswered emails? Did you start something and didn’t finish it? Not as productive as you were before the pandemic hit?
Stop beating yourself up! It doesn’t make us more productive when we bombard ourselves with negative thoughts because we didn’t achieve all of our goals today. It also doesn’t complete our undone tasks when we beat ourselves up over mistakes. This pandemic has changed things. Business and governments are in disarray. We are being told we can’t see or touch our loved ones, community cannot gather safely and performing simple tasks like shopping is a terrifying and dangerous seeming endeavour. These changes are set to last for the foreseeable future and although some changes were announced for Manitoba today May 21 (click here to read more) - things are still different now. It is important to be kind to yourself and if you needs some tips, here are 16.
So what I ask of you, is that while you are being isolated, or protesting, or trying and failing at any number of things - please be gentle with yourself. When the whole world has been turned upside down (like it has), it’s ok to stumble, fall and (dare I say) rest! Give your friends and relatives a break as well, if they haven’t reached out, you reach out to them! If they don’t respond, don’t take it personally. Assume that they are busy taking care of the things they need to take care of in their life and they will get back to you whenever they can. When I make a mistake this is what my process is:
make the mistake - luckily for all of us, we have no control over when this one happens lol but once we realize we have made a mistake, that’s when we move to the next step.
get safe -Are you hurt? Are you or anyone you love in danger because of your actions or inaction? Get yourself into a position of safety or at least out of harm’s way. Make sure you are rested and fed before proceeding.
assess the situation - can the situation be repaired? Can the damage caused by the mistake be lessened in any way? Who can help? What is your personal role in the situation and what do you have to let go of, because it is other peoples actions?
find the lesson - I don’t consider anything a failure if I learned a lesson from it. We can always look at the mess that has been made and ask if there is anything we could have done differently. This helps us know what needs to change so we prevent this mistake in the future. Do we need to get some training? Do we need to take a step back from things? Do we need to communicate more or less? Notice these questions are all aimed at ourselves, that’s because we can not control others’ actions’ but luckily we can control our own.
Take the Action or Let it Go - Are any steps you need to take? Take them! This completion of tasks ensures we can walk away from this feeling good about our response. If the actions can be directed at the people involved as well as at a system that can help prevent it in the future, even better! Once you have done the action, or if there is nothing you can do - let it go.
When it comes to managing expectations with family, volunteer commitments and at work, I think the biggest tip that I can share is that you communicate as much as you can about your capacity at this time. If you have a reduced capacity, be honest with yourself and others that you may need a little bit more time to get back to people, or a little more or different support at this time. Be open minded when folks are suggesting things, even if they don’t sound like they can apply - keep in mind they are literally in the same pandemic boat as us.
So there you have it, be gentle with yourself and the people around you. It is a tough time for everyone right now and the world could always do with a little more understanding and a lot more kindness.
