But Would You Live For Me?
There is a common expression that I hear people say to their loved one, often in moments where they want to demonstrate their feelings in a protective manner. You’ve probably heard people say this or maybe you have even said it yourself.
I would die for you.
I understand why people would say it. But it has never sat right with me whenever I heard it. The phrase always intended to show one’s intense love for someone else. It gave voice to their willingness to step in to harms way if need be and take on someone else’s suffering or consequence in a dramatic fashion. According to the internet, this idiom has been around in some form or another since the 1500s. I have heard it my whole life. When did you first hear that expression?
2021 has been a year of immense loss. Not only have many knowledge keepers been lost in our community, we have lost brothers, sisters, parents, partners and more. All of these losses come too soon. All of these losses come before we can heal from the last one. It is heavy and it feels never ending some days.
This weekend a friend of mine was in a car accident and lost his life. He was in my house just last week where we had our final hug. 2 weeks ago a community leader named Jennifer Primrose suddenly passed away as well - her impact on our community and on me personally was immense. In the summer time I list my mother and travelled back to my home community. While I was there one of the kids attempted suicide and had to be air lifted out. Earlier this spring my older brother passed away suddenly. This on top of the loss of knowledge keepers like Velma Orvis and Thelma Meade have left me in a constant state of grief. The death and the constant fear of death, due to the pandemic, due to suicide compounds onto itself.
I miss all of these people. I remember fondly the times we shared, the laughter, the lessons and the love. I think about how we express love often when it is too late, when someone is gone - they get all sorts of social media posts, and prayers and love from people. We should be giving that love to people while they are still with us. Don’t wait for the bad thing to happen to share how you feel or how much you love and appreciate others.
It is not enough for us to tell the people we love we would die for them. And sometimes, when there are times of constant grief like this year, it is actually a frightening thing to hear our loved ones say that to us. And even though I don’t want you to die - I know many of you are still sitting there thinking “I would still die for you”. And again, I know what you are trying to convey. So here is my question:
But would you live for me?
If you love me, if you really know what is in my heart - then I want you to live for me. I want you to live a good life if you love me so much. I want you to eat healthy and excercise if you love me so much. I want you to brush your teeth and go to your appointments and spend time with your loved ones safely if you love me. I want you to live each day with a mind that is grateful and curious, hands that are helpful and humble. I want you to share your talents and celebrate the many gifts of the people around you. If you love me please know I want you to be happy and safe. If it helps you make better choices, I want you to love me so much that you live a joyous life.
When we live a good life we make our ancestors smile. This year many of our loved ones travelled to the other side and are now with the ancestors. It is ok to be sad that they left us, it often feels too soon. And although they may not be with us in body anymore, they are with us in spirit and we are lucky because those people can now be with us always. They can with us in times of difficulty and especially in times of celebration, we carry them in our hearts. They can be the motivation to carry on when things are tough, they can be our kick in the but when we want to give up. We should always be living a good life because we deserve to but I know that in grief and sadness this is easier to say and harder to do. But luckily for us, we have many ancestors that can remind us if we forget and because we are their body now, we have extra reasons to live well each day when we wake up.
We live well for ourselves and we live a good life for our loved ones that can't anymore.
